Some decisions are easy, right? Like, for 2021 our family switched to glass straws and corn-starch dog poop bags in one more step to cut down on trash and waste in landfills and our oceans.
I have a hard time with other decisions, though. I’ve read advice about making pro-and-con lists, about talking decisions over with friends, about throwing a coin in the air and crying ‘head’ or ‘tails’ as a way to figure out what you really want, about meditating and “finding” the answer in your uncluttered mind. But, for me, it’s often about making myself let go. I don’t have faith that something better will come. I’d rather stick with what I know, no matter how flawed, than embrace the next thing. I’ve been practicing letting go this January.
Our mini-van. It’s from 2008 and we’ve kept it going with regular trips to the car mechanic. Unfortunately, our neighbor hit it the other night. No one was hurt and that’s the most important thing, but our son was the primary driver and I liked that he couldn’t go super fast without the whole frame shuddering as if it were about to fly apart. I liked that he could drive his friends around and they weren’t leaving fast food trash in my car. And, I liked that he could drive himself to sports or the gym and the smell wouldn’t cling to my vehicle.
I think we all know that the vehicle is totaled and I have to let it go.
A more difficult decision was to put my horse up for sale. I inherited Noche (Spanish for “night” because she’s a bay) from my daughter, who is a better rider than I am but is away at an out-of-state college. There are so many wonderful things about Noche that even after I fell off and had to recover from a severe concussion, I got back on and continued taking lessons on her. We had some really great rides. I improved, but then she threw me off again this December and the fall caused a cracked rib and a herniated disk. It wasn’t her fault — she was so good in so many other ways that I wouldn’t let her go because I didn’t know if I would bond with another (lower level) horse or if I had the time and money to buy a horse for myself. If I deserved to follow this childhood dream when the world is so chaotic and the pandemic seems like it won’t end. I still don’t know those last things, but I do know that Noche deserves a better rider and I deserve to not be afraid of what my next injury will be. So, I’m letting her go to a better forever home. (Please know that the owner of the stable and I are being very careful as we meet and interview prospective buyers! Noche will stay where she is until we find the perfect home. I just won’t be riding her).
And that brings me to another difficult decision this month. The good thing is I’m finished the next book in The Misbegotten Series. Yay! I’m proud of it and excited to share. It is currently out with beta readers — those are readers who give an author feedback for another round of revisions. My work-in-progress title has been Tamaki and the Fox, but the real title will be: ASHES OF REGRET. What do you think?
Walking Through Fire, Book 1
Ashes of Regret, Book 2
Flames of New Babylon, Book 3
Stars Crash and Burn, Book 4 (Tentative)
The decision is that I’ve been trusting other people to negotiate and get the rights back to Walking Through Fire for me and I need to do it myself (with Mike’s help!). Other people don’t care as much as I do and I’ve lost a lot of time waiting. So, why did I do it?
- I have this feeling, often, that other people know better than I do. That they know the right way to do things and I don’t. That I’m somehow missing common sense that everyone has.
- I wanted someone to hold my hand through the process. I like being a teamplayer.
I’m moving forward. Humans grow their competence by doing, not by worrying about doing. I’m going to make mistakes — everyone does — but this year I’m going to meet the difficult decisions and not try to sidestep or postpone.
Let me know what you think about the titles in the comments and I’d love to hear your New Year’s Resolutions!